Time Flies
As per my last week's text, this week was an uphill battle, between managing my relationships, responsibilities and more specifically mid-terms. Writing this given piece on paper during my second exam. During our exams we are not allowed to leave before the time is up – a rather dreadful system.
It gives me memories of last year – sitting on the barrack benches and waiting for the clock to hit 5 P.M so that I could go sit on my bed instead of the bench. The interesting part is that I lowkey miss that experience. Well, let me clarify, not the idle sitting around part, moreso the adventure and solution-seeking part of being on terrain as a leader and a soldier.
There is a charm to the simplicity of a soldier's existence. There is no exploring of the future's worries nor the mistakes from the past. There is only here and now. Typically it is not the best conditions but you have no choice – you need to accept these conditions, the people around you and most importantly yourself.
My text is in a way glorifying the military, which I would have never in a thousand years expected from myself before signing up. That being said, during emotional hardship or even burnout the idea of having to accept oneself and its surroundings in an Estonian forest sounds peaceful. Even though I have given it some thought, I doubt I will be returning to the military as anything else than a reserve sergeant.
The reason I have been pondering on the topic is that in the civil world, there is simply too many different layers. Nothing is black or white. A lot of grey in different shades. From what I remember from last year it was clear cut. Either it is black or white. The survival conditions in Estonian winter were bad – all in black. We got a team member added to the squad after six days of cold and he brought fresh fruit – all in the white (we had been eating food packs that were due to expire in 10 years for these six days).
This Monday was the 107th birthday of Estonia's independence. There is a parade in Tallinn for that occasion which I was a part of last year. This made me realise that within a single year, I have already forgotten so many details about the whole experience. It might be why I am building nostalgia since I simply have suppressed the negative experiences. So maybe I simply do not know better than to miss the military.
This Week's Suggestions:
This is a British funk group from the 70s that I listened to during my mid-term revisions thanks to a good friend. The song is 10 minutes long and very suitable for doing other tasks in the background all the while being still good quality stuff.
Wishing you a lovely week!