Post-Spiderman Existentialism

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." Niels Bohr

2021, a rich year, is over. In July I finished secondary school in Brussels and decisions had to be made about higher education. It took me months to decide in what country I would like to study. When I got accepted to HEI I went for it. Thus it was a year of novelty. It was a year where I went to live in another country almost all alone. It was a year of new connections. It was a year where I tracked many things like my workouts, my reading, my nicotine consumption and my expenses. I can say that I am happy with my choices and achievements. Of course there were ups and downs but the overall experience was very positive.

This last week of holidays my best friend came back to Estonia after a family Christmas in a country with positive degrees celsius. I am really grateful that I got to see him. As per usual when I spend time with him my schedule gets rocked around a bit. I start eating breakfast at noon, eating lunch at five and dinner is around midnight. This is because every day there is either a small gathering or some sort of group event which usually last till dawn. I enjoy all those happenings, but this also means I do not rest a lot.

To get some work done one needs to be well rested. During this holiday I did not work at all. This is good for having a clean work-life balance, but I still subconsciously criticised myself for not getting anything done. Taking a break is very important to come back stronger and more productive. I am slightly scared of going back to school tomorrow. I fear the workload that will fall upon me, even though I know that when I am thrown into water I will stay afloat.

After four months without going to the cinema once I got to watch two movies in one week: Matrix IV and Spiderman. After the latter I walked home through a windy snowfall and questioned myself about what I want and also where I want to go in this life. I realised that to answer oneself honestly it is necessary to either write out or speak out the thoughts. It is only when we have to put an idea into words that it becomes actionable and understandable.

My existential questioning did not lead me to a concise answer. Nevertheless I came to some general understanding of my own thoughts. For example I want to live as a nomad for a little while before settling down somewhere. Furthermore I have a goal of creating my own company and brand all while making meaningful connections. This is not much, but it can already help me make some life choices.

On New Year's we played board games and watched television. 10 minutes before midnight we started preparing to go outside, since it was still negative degrees quite a few layers of clothing were necessary. Once we stepped outside it was snowing heavily, the snowflakes were huge and covered the skies. When the firework show started it was even more beautiful: the falling snow was enlightened by the multicoloured explosions. After a good half an hour I went inside and played chess for two hours. The game ended in a draw and was very intense.

About this new year, new me stuff: I do not have a tragic aspect of myself that needs to be changed. Furthermore I do not believe that changes in lifestyle have to be made at the arrival of a new year. At the moment I am happy with my overall mentality towards life. I feel like I have changed for the better in the past year and I hope to keep this sort of a growth mindset.

At the moment I am listening to Talk Like TED by Carmine Gallo. I felt the need to look this book up when I was truly entertained by some TED talks while simultaneously remembering how shakily I stood in front a hundred of my fellow students during a debate. I am not very far in the book yet, so far it has been entertaining and it has good examples. My most remarkable memory is about the importance of storytelling. "Stories make concepts and ideas real and tangible." They can constitute the majority of a speech without ruining its balance.

Happy New Year! Make the best of it!