Before the Ferryman Comes
I have few to no plans during these last two weeks of August, and it is eating me alive. I am bored. Which is good since I have not felt that in a long time. Yet the problem I am confronting mostly is the emotional landscapes that I have not explored in a long time. This is a lot more difficult than I expected, even though ChatGPT warned me about emotional latency.
The question then is that if I bury myself in work, is that a solution for dealing with my emotions? Probably not. Even though I do not like the state I am in right now, I am still conscious that it is beneficial to me.
Another question that comes up is how to create more balance. As in what habits should I integrate to not have all the emotions waterboard me simultaneously?
The things I try to do regularly are journaling and walking, or working out. These seem to help quite a bit, even though in the current storm, they are only slightly helpful. During working times, they allow to take a step back and gain perspective that there might be more than work.
Meditation is something I have tried to integrate, yet I tend not to be very consistent with it. I have even written a small guide on How To Meditate a few years back. Meditation is a powerful tool in itself, so I might try to reintegrate it into my daily life.
The habit I should avoid, and also the one that I am currently falling into, is distracting myself. The easy way is scrolling. The effort that it takes to get that little dopamine is so minimal that there is no obstacle to it. I am uninstalling Instagram as I am writing this. At least for a little bit.
Saturday, I went to watch the play Fundamentalist. It speaks about two characters, one is a pastor and one is a young girl. The girl feels a void due to her traumatic experiences and cannot find a way to fill it. The only thing that manages to fill that void is Jesus. This got me thinking about how one might fill the void.
Since healthy choices tend not to provide immediate gratification. It is a slow burn. You do not get results right away. But when you're in the abyss, there is little to no hope, and all you want is to escape as fast as possible.
Even though we might not see it in the dark, there is much to be grateful for. One thing I have been consistent with is a gratitude journal. Every other day, I try to write down 3 things I am grateful for and why. I am unsure whether I found it myself somewhere on the internet, or if it was thanks to my brother that I started doing it.
Writing down these three little phrases helps to be just happier. These are things that are currently well, and you are pointing them out explicitly and showing that you care about them to yourself. This practice has revealed that my reason for being here, at least in part, is others. The people close to me.
“Kõik me seisame kord päris üksi kui paadimees meid sõuab üle Styxi” Karl Ristikivi
Translation: "We will all stand alone once the ferryman rows us over the Styx."
This is a quote my mother read to me before going to sleep one night. It stuck with me. Right now, you might feel alone, yet you are not. The only time you will truly be alone is when you are crossing the river of the underworld.
This Week's Suggestions:
🎶 "I Remember" by deadmau5 and Kaskade:
This song has the emotional wavelengths that match this piece in my eyes. There is also an extended version, which is about 9 minutes long, yet this short radio version gives all the necessary.
That is all for this week!
